After spending four days in Paris in December, boarded the Eurostar for London. I had spent the prior 24 hours agonizing whether or not to make the trip due to an organized transit strike, anticipated to snarl traffic at airports, train and bus stations, and even the underground. I didn’t want to make the wrong decision and be delayed for hours, wasting a day of my vacation, and holding up Rob, my friend whom I was meeting up with, in the process. Upon boarding and the announcement of an on-time departure, I was immediately relieved and hopeful about what lay ahead.
When I found my assigned seat, however, I became anxious about something else instead: I was sitting next to 27 energetic English school kids who were returning from a week abroad. They cheered as the train pulled out of the station, and then quickly got down to business, including games on their iPods, teasing and flirting with one another, exchanging candy after heated trade negotiations, and discussing what they would do upon arrival to London’s King’s Cross train station.
Then, amid the chaos, the lone voice of a boy called out to his teacher, “Miss. Miss. I forgot something in Paris!” The teacher stood up, stricken, trying to contain her apoplexy, and rushed to the boy’s aisle. “What is it?” she asked. Without hesitation, the boy continued, “Miss, I left my heart in Paris, France.” There were two beats of silence and one very relieved teacher, followed by a mocking chorus of groans from the other 26 kids: “You are SO cheesy! You tell me that MY jokes are bad?!”
Initially, I thought to myself that this seat on the train might be a fate on par with taking a trans-atlantic flight next to a screaming baby, because a small part of me was hoping I would find myself sitting next to Ethan Hawke’s character from Richard Linklater’s movie, Before Sunrise, on this train ride. Then, even as I tried to turn up the volume on my iPod to drown out the chatter, I realized that I used to be one of those kids, except louder, sillier, and probably even more obnoxious. I marveled at their fearless, care-free and untamed spirits. They were right in the middle of their most-awkward teenage phase, yet they were confident. They were so alive.
I spent four days wandering the city of London, reflecting on these questions: When did I become so careful and fearful of making mistakes? When did constant vigilance and striving replace giggles and silliness? Does this younger version of myself still exist somewhere within me? And, is there room for her in my present life? Frankly, there was no better city than London for this awakening. London embraces the past and the present, the ancient with the modern. In my travels, I saw it everywhere: the remains of the London Wall, which was built by the Romans nearly 2,000 years ago, juxtaposed against the Gherkin, a modern-day skyscraper in the financial district; Lady Gaga blaring from a radio as I strolled past Shakespeare’s Globe theater; the London Eye popping in the skyline against the backdrop of Big Ben; and a traditional full English breakfast versus the very modern dinner that I had at Pollen Street Social, one of the most amazing of my life.
Since my return, I’ve been trying to unearth that earlier, more vibrant and alive version of myself, and figure out how I lost her. Here’s what I think: for the past two decades, I’ve been hyper-focused on results and outcomes. I got attached to the idea of the perfect ending and trying to make it happen every time, I eliminated a lot of the possibilities and surprises along the way. I didn’t allow much room for the most wild and creative parts of myself to co-exist with the disciplined and focused me. Now, I’m trying to pay as much attention to the journey as the destination, and allowing for more freedom, fearlessness, expression, mistakes, and ultimately, faith in my own evolution. While I too might have left my heart in Paris, I found a missing part of myself on the journey to London that afternoon. And, like London, my old parts and my new parts are going to fit together just brilliantly.
Want to see more pictures from London? Click here to find the entire gallery: http://bit.ly/y4VZnX